Open communication

Its liked i have mixed feelings.  I miss you so when u call me i feel happy.  But at the corner of my heart,  it hurts. It cannot erase what has happened.  So when i talk to u i start to feel upset and depressed. I dont really want to talk too much abt this cos i know ure stressed in camp also.

But i wanna have communication with u and tell u how i feel. Thats how couples shd be right?  Open communication. 

But its not like i have time to talk to you abt all this depressing stuff. When i do get to meet you,  i just want to enjoy the time i have with you becos its alr so limited.  I dont really wanna talk abt all this shit.

Empty promises

I thot him calling me would make me happy.  I was... until he said that Friday book out day and asked if i wanted to pick him up. So i said okay. Then he said that he could always meet me at night on Friday. 

Ah that's when i started to get upset. From all the empty and broken promises of last weekend, i no longer trust or have faith in what he says. I don't want to be hurt or disappointed. 

Imagine he said hes gonna meet me fri night.  So i hope and expect for 4 days. Then what if friday he suddenly cannot meet me? Why make promises you are not sure u can meet? Do u understand how i will feel if i expect for 4 days and end up disappointed? 

Its just like i say im gonna pick u up on friday.  So u feel happy for 4 days. And what if i cancel on u on friday? Maybe then ull understand what i mean.

I cannot ease my heart. It hurts so much right now after last weekend. I know u tried to make ammends for it. But it just wont be the same. Its like saying sorry after committing adultery. The heart is forever broken altho it can try to forgive and heal. It will never be the same. Its the same with faith and trust.  Once broken it will not be pieced back tgt the same way.

I can pretend not to think about it. But when something arises that has link to that issue, the whole situation arises and my heart tells me that i cannot trust you. The human heart and brain is very smart. It learns how to protect itself from hurt. And last weekend u did it to me like 3 times. U know, i just dont like last minute arrangements and after u did it to me so many times. I cant take it man.

Im trying not to be angry or disappointed with anything by not having any expectations. I guess my heart formed an outer shell by itself. To save itself from hurt after being so stupid. 

How? Tell me how i can trust again?  Maybe time will heal. I know right now ure hurting also and yes i know u don't mean for the things to happen. 

So please,  for mine and your sake. Please dont make me empty promises.  I don't even believe anymore.

I still love you definitely. But its so hard to do all this shit when i see u barely 10 hours a week. And when u mean so much to me that i take your promises in my heart so when u break it, It hurts extra lot.

What should i do? How do i control my heart? I just hope it gets better. Maybe its just raw right now.

I know uve had a tough weekend. And im just trying to be an understanding girlfriend.  But 3 times in a weekend is abit too much man.

Suay day. My depression is not getting any better.

Humans are stupid

Why are Humans so stupid?  Always giving expectations of others and end up feeling disappointed and unwanted.

Please don't make me wait anymore or shower me with empty promises.  It hurts.  I have homework to do and a comp tml.  I stil have to be there for my kids tml morning. 

Do whatever u need to.  Just leave me alone for now.  Unreliable. 

Shitty day

I guess i only post when im feeling shitty or having a shitty Day?  I feel like crap today i guess.

Stress from school,  climbing comps,  work etc.  Cant handle. I suddenly feel very overwhelmed. Like too much to handle. 

My finger hurts from climbing. Was supposed to be leading then end up rain so i bouldered instead.  Then finger pain like siao. Cant latch on anything. Today is really just one bad day all in.  Somemore i have obc in 2 days.  Its like i feel the despair right before the comp.  Now i just feel like quitting everything. 

Stressed from school assignments and not being able to meet my bf as well. I feel so sian.  I just wanna curl up in bed and rest.  Like and worry about nothing... Not going to work tho.  Life sucks take drugs?  Haven't heard that phrase in so long. 

I need my hug and my bed. And a miracle.

Sick

Down with fever,  flu and cough. 38.5 deg fever,  can't seem to rmr when was the last time o was so sick and for so long. 

I miss climbing.  Hope I get well soon.  Doesn't help that my own bf is shitting me. Like today we went to climb asia tgt then in the end I decided not to climb becos I felt unwell.  So i just asked him to climb lor and I just sat there for 2 hours.  With an ice pack over my head and 38.5 deg fever.  u know what? He kept asking me if I was tired.  Which part of fever don't u understand?  I'm not tired,  I'm SICK.  waiting for him was okay cos its my choice in the end,  but then he came and say to me,  "why u never come see me do this route?  I told you I was gonna try it."
Woah. I just replied "you didn't tell me when u went to try the route uh." I was fucking lying there with a fever and Ice pack to acc u and all u ask me is that. 

I was really really pissed actually.  But I just sucked it up. He also wasn't feeling that good today so i didn't want to say much.  U know, that 2 hours was pure torture. I wanted to go home and rest properly. But I chose top stay with u. And this is what I get.

Lol.  Fml.

Omg why I feel so stressed.  :(
Too worried about money.  Need to work more. And save up more. My gosh. 

Onsight today

Birthday in 1.5 hours. Dont feel anything lol. Feels rather numb about everything.  Like I cant feel or bother to take action on stuff. its like I see it but don't find enough strength or will to help or do anything.  Okay maybe im not making any sense.

Went to onsight today.  First training for sp. Alot to work on. Must formulate a training plan for them.  Sth for them to work on. Sigh.  Allezzzzz. I need to find my motivation and passion? Or I just feel too stressed about having to keep up my namesake that it hurts. Like if I cannot do this certain route or move, pple will b like "see, open women also cannot do."

I know its the truth. Im sorry im just not strong enough. im sorry I cannot live up to your expectations. It fucking hurts. I dont like to climb in crowds. I like to climb in small groups.  2-3 pple. Im satisfied.  Os is the exact opposite of what I like. Too many pple too big crowd.  Too many familiar faces. Maybe im just scared of failure. 

Failure? It's what makes us stronger.  Im gonna b stronger. I need to erase my dependency.  Im stumped for words and zoning out a bit too much.  Im not who I was. I need to buck up.

Seriously.  Coach.

I hate this. Every one thinks im like super happy and blessed right.  Well its not always what it seems kay.

I want an escape route. Dig a hole. Disappear. Sigh. Life is so harsh.  Nothing ever seems enough. 

What did I do today?

Okay lets see.  What did I do today? 
Woke up,  went to do routesetting with shuk at climbers lab then went to safra.  Was supposed to meet nino and aizan for dinner then they had some ec meeting dinner crap so I ended up just climbing.

Was an okay session I guess although I fell at the last tile of the white route and cut my thumb lol.  Spammed like 4 routes in a row after that.  Kama and khuz came as well. 

Climbed with shuk too he was spamming the overhang blue route Haha.  But then his finger pain so couldn't really climb.  Told him to go back and Ice it, seemed really bad.  Hope it gets Better uh!

Then went back to meet dex at pasir ris we went to west plaza for a massage! Did back massage plus foot reflex.  Was awesome although I swear the masseuse was trying to kill me.  It hurt like crap.  I felt like I was being choked out of my life while he pressed on my back.  Spent $43. Think tonight will sleep really well.

Dex passed me my bday present in advance.  Thanks! Someone's going Australia yo! Have an awesome trip.  Have fun and stay safe! :)

Okay training tml.  Am tired and shall head to bed.  Nights world.

Meaningless

Sometimes I feel as though everything is meaningless and that I'm wasting my time struggling as a human living in this works and trying to go about in my life.

Why?  What for?  We all eventually die one day.  Why struggle and fight so much for?  When it is all meaningless in the end.

Just suddenly feel very tired Of everything. Maybe I just need a break.  A break from everything. 

I feel like just pitching everything away. And just drift to nowhere and live a recluse life where no one can find me. And I'll b there just living life by myself,  exploring the wilds, reading my book,  writing my next novel and going food hunting.

No stress about school,  work,  or climbing.

I need a break or escape from this all. 

Re blog

Just remembered that I still have an active blog that's not too outdated.  So I guess I'll try update this in pieces to keep my sanity.  :)

继续吧

对不起我放不下这段感情。
我还是会继续喜欢你,只到我真的觉得没希望或这我再也不喜欢你了。

Okayy it's settled

I guess I finally know my answer.
My hurtful liberating answer.

Confused

Sigh why u make me so CONFUSED.  like when I'm like sian and wanna give up u give me new Hope by giving me some hot.  Lol.  So that I like u even more and my heart aches even more everytime I see you while not knowing the answer. Haha. I wonder if you're evil oblivious or nor sure what to do yourself. 

On a side note seeing you and chatting with u for even 10 min today was awesome. It made my day and I was really damm happy can. Then now u don't wanna reply me lol. I shan't disturb u. 

Let it go

Oh gosh. I hate youuu.

And it really feels good to not have to contact anyone for the whole of yesterday.  I just want to be left alone.  Which part of alone u guys dont understand? I'm sick and tired of caring about everything. 

Let it go. 

Living on a prayer

Haha why do u want to procrastinate so much? Okay maybe you're not sure of your answer? Becoz if its a no I'm not interested u would have been able to tell me right? So I'm just hoping that there is a possibility... living on a prayer and hope. If he still doesn't tell me if for chance or not by after China I'll write him a letter. To formally tell him coz now its just shuk telling him like this that I have a crush on him. 

Trent, I really like you.
Give me a reason to hold on or please let me go to ease my pain and suffering Okay.

Thank you.

prawning sat night away

Error

No my previous post got error and it was such a long post... sigh. Anyway I feel like we have some sort of progression and I feel happy about that. :)

Bakwa

Anyway I saw this horse bakwa for sale it was cute Haha.  Treated Okay la  and I had a haircut! Permed and dyed My hair. but obviously the guys never even notice Cos I tie up my hair when I climb right haha.

Guys

Okay I know I said I wanna forget about trent.  But it's so hard and now that in not so obsessed like last time, i kinda feel that he's not a rebound but rather that I truly like him.  I think waheed was the "rebound" guy. I hung around with him abit but once I realized I liked trent I sorta stopped.  I just felt that it wasn't fair to the person I liked although we had nothing Haha. It's ironic what we can do for the sake of love Eh?

Sigh I hope Moses can get over his ex and start afresh especially when he goes to Canada in Aug . He deserves it man. It's been nice knowing him but sometimes he stalks me abit too much and care too much about what time I reach home macham my dad or older brother Haha.  I wish trent would care for me in that way lol. But he does care uh. like when we climb and if I get injured or sth he'll ask me if I'm ok etc Haha.  Aiyah he cares for me more like a normal friend than anyone special. 

I tried asking him out for dinner tonight lol.  He seemed to stall for time before telling me he couldn't make it. Not sure if he really had sth on our he just paiseh to reject me up front? He really is a man of mysteries and mixed feelings. Why can't he give me a direct answer! Just a yes I'm interested or no I don't see u that way  the nicer he treats me and the closer we get, the more I'm gonna be hurt in the end. .. trent please be more responsible and man up can? Why oh why do I have to fall for you? :(

Its awesome to have a crush because I'll secretly be happy and my heart beats like mad when I anticipate seeing him or when I actually see him haha.  He sorta gives me strength for now in climbing haha. If he rejects me I think he'll be a source of sadness but at least I can move on uh.

Trent, what are you actually thinking? It's really Okay if u have no interest in me but I wanna know so life can go on. It's so hard to be left hanging and not knowing.  And feeling like an idiot waiting for your text àhhhh. But these few days he's been pretty receptive Haha. Doesn't reply all but still will reply me somewhat.  Better than last time. So seems like we're closer, but maybe as friends? Idk uh Cos he still seems to gay with ky abit too much lol. 

like Moses wanted to go prawning sat night so iinvited him along them he asked me to ask ky to go lol. It's like they're attached to each other uh. anyway ky don't wanna go, haven't told him that lol. . if I tell him I think he don't want to go liao lor. Sad case. Of course I want him to go do I can see him la but then I also need his help In pprawning Haha. 

Noooo don't think so much. It's not healthy to fantasize so much about him lol. stupid shuk keep planting impure thoughts in my head Haha. 

sigh! Nvm Here's a picture of my first ever human flag! Shoulder hurts like crap Haha but it was fun. Hope shuk's fingers recover soon. 

Training Tml.  Must send my yellow in the left wall! :) Allez Janet! Okay impure thoughts only when I sleep ok? Hehe.  Lol I keep thinking of kissing him haha. and how I want to hold his hand when we're walking lol. I don't dare la. Too much at stake. 

I hate irresponsible guys

Omg no more please. I cannot take it anymore. No more crushing on him la please. If he has another girl, please come tell me so I'll stay away far away. Dont avoid me. I just wanna be friends. No more wallowing in self pity and pain man.

NO MORE. Seriously.

Worldcup chongqing

Omg im going worldcup!!!!!!! Mom wants to accompany me! She say since jiuzaigou is nearby we go cq tgr then go holiday. Omg awesomeness. I feel damn excited. Hmm is damn a swear word? But I only said no to vulgarities right?

Anyway Im stoked. March yangshuo trip! Then april cq trip. Excited ttm. Haha. Must train hard! Who cares bout vday and that guy?

No more okay?

Haha I feel so stupid! Rushed down to yishun after coaching at tampines to climb in the hopes of being able to see him. Guess what, he didn't come lol. Sigh and to think I asked him earlier in the week and he said yes climbing. Sighhh. I really do think he's avoiding me...

That's why ive decided to stay away from him. Give him his space. And time apart will help me get over this crush. Okay? What for let my heart bleed for him when he's clearly oblivious and don't care about me. No more. I know I can't stop thinking about him just like that, but I will get over him. I have alot more in life than just him.

Im strong, ill pull through.

痛苦的爱情

原来喜欢一个人真的很辛苦。
不懂要去还是该退后一步。
我可以把这份爱情扔走吗，好痛苦啊。为何我会爱上你呢? 我宁可不要爱上你。
老天真会耍人。

Cny day 2

Went to climb at ca in the morning with chew. Met him for breakfast at Starbucks. Had an awesome catchup session with him and climbed with him. Happy cny! Hope to see him again when he comes back.

It was an awesome night at kys place. Ky, Trent, jk and myself. We played mahjong, cards and all. Haha it was so fun! They were really patient in teaching me the games. Gambled abit but never lost so ok la. Jk took care of me haha when I lost my chips he sort of helped Me bu tie haha.

We ate yusheng at 4.30am haha. Then went to sleeep! Slept not bad. Now we're playing jenga and chinese chess. Lunch soon then we gonna go home! If only every new year is so funz uh. :-)

And I got to take a pic with him! Altho he was stoned. #mixedfeelings

Quite excited for our yangshuo trip tgr.

Cny eve

Thank you Dylan and valerie for taking care of me during cny eve when I had no one to pei me. Thanks for inviting me to your place for dinner. U guys are the most awesome.

Haha had alot of fun eating steamboat with them! We played pictionary, watched some random shows, watched peemak (finally), and played monopoly!

Feel very blessed. Thank you!
Love you guys to bits and pieces. <3

Clarke quay adventure

Went out with shuk yesterday evening after class to do some girl hunting haha. We went to eat ice cream at haato & co, not bad but I think I like gelare better. Next was hooters. That one the most awesome. Alot of girls in hot oranges shorts. Hahaha. Shuk kept staring at their butt and commenting. We ate some beef fondue and chicken wings. I drank hooegarden. So fun.

We chatted alot. Learnt alot about him. Hahaha. I guess everyone has a diff life from what they are now. But im happy that he's happier now I guess. It's just operation "find shuk a gf". Haha. Then we just sat at the riverside and chatted. Then we missed last train haha. I took bus back but he took a cab lol.

Went out Trent in the afternoon to buy his 5.10 shoes. He bought arrowhead in the end. Slight downturned shoes. He seemed quite happy with his new "stash" haha. Oh and he bought a rope curler to clean the rope sheath. We went to ikea to hunt for a poingpoing basket haha for the rope. Got the items. Not bad la managed to buy the stuff. He damn evil lor kept on disturbing me abt my lack of "general knowledge" lol. Then keep being sarcastic. Haha. But in his own way la. Sometimes I just want to kill him also haha. But I really like spending time with him. It's ok, im just trying to appreciate what I have. Of what time I have with him. And I told shuk! Lol.

What happens in hooters stays in hooters!

Sad didnt get to take pics with trent on our shopping adventure. I would have liked that he looked so suave in his dress shirt. Haha.

Had a presentation at school after that. We cabbed down from ikea to my school. Lucky nat came late so I could work on my stuff. Now just left with submission. 4 submissions. Confirm now no mood do la. After cny must chiong.

Today is my last day at safra. Nostalgic. But I know there's many more great things to come. Im content. Gonna pack my stuff from office and I think waheed is gonna help me drive my stuff home. Gonna head over the cat's new place to crash for the night and uhm cny countdown haha.

Feel quite satisfied I guess. Just thst I couldn't wake up today. And I woke with a dysfunctional brain. Thanks lor.

Girivihar comp

Pics for me to remember my first India trip by! Hehe.

Girivihar Comp!

Okay im back from India, relatively safe and sound.
Kena food poisoning, but i guess things could have been worse so im grateful nothing else happened to anybody. Went with korkor adriel, ryan yeo, nevin, asyraf sapri and lynnette! I got first for the ladies cat and adriel won first for the second time in a row and lyn got second!

The comp was great, met many new people, made a lot of friends and got to know somewhat about indian culture, although my stomach hates the word indian food. No racism intended. The comp crowd was awesome. People cheering for you like mad even though they dont know you. hahaha. its awesome. If there's a chance i would like to come back. Overseas comps are so different.
But india time is really rubber time hahaha.

Kinda sad no medal for winning but i won 300sgd approx, plus a pair of pontas 2 climbing shoes. Not sure if i would like to use it though. Shall see how it goes. Cant cover the cost of comp, but then again its not like i can buy the experience with money. But next time, we should definitely extend our stay and try climbing in their gyms and outdoors. =)

I really do love climbing. The psyche and kick it gives me- priceless.

I've decided not to pursue certain avenues. hahaha. just to be content with where i am as friends. I think anymore and either i will go crazy or he will make me crazy or he'll just ignore me, which is worse. im just content now.

After going to india and climbing hard, i realized that altho i crave for companionship, it shd be done at the right time and with the right person. i dont want to hurt myself or him. i did miss him when i was in india, but not seeing him helps to curb my feelings. its weird. i dont really understand.
Maybe im just tired of trying to chase, please or be the nice person becos he doesnt uhm reciprocate at all. its like he doesnt even reply my messages or i shant push if thats the message he wants to send me. he's always sending me mixed messages. but its ok. i will take it as nothing.

To focus on my other stuff okay? I shd probably turn les. LOL.

Okay, time to focus on my homework! then after this hell week.
its one month of school holiday.. of cos i still gotta work, but it aint gonna be that bad.

India!

India baby! Haha. Am en route to the airport to catch my flight to india! Hehe. Hope all will be fine.

Crushing

Sigh. I just want to be left alone. I've gotten used to my cycle of training, working, coaching etc. It makes me happy and fulfilled. I got alot more freedom and happiness.

But now he's saying he wants to come climb and uhm if I dont wanna see him, I am to quit climbing lol. Ill want to climb with my besties, but if he comes in its a diff pic. How? Dilemma 101.

I was satisfied with my life. Till he came and threatened me. Sigh I hate him so much. Cannot leave me alone ah.

I wonder how things will turn out. Sure damn awkward. And unhappy. And I know I'll purposely be more touchy. Haha. Oh wells. But with him around, there goes my chances of getting a new bf. Haha. Who wants the girl when her ex is stil hanging around?

And I really do think I like someone. It's weird liking someone again. But it's hard. Cos of my ex. Hahaha. He feels like im in a untouchable zone becos he won't take someone else's gf. But im no longer attached. Guess it doesn't matter to him cos my ex keeps on texting him. He's giving me weird mixed signals. Idk man. Havent felt this in a damn long time. But he's a very dense person. But I know how I feel haha. Why else would I dream of him. And uhm think of him when im on the train etc.

Nothing for now. Learn to live again. I know he wont accept. Time.
Anyway how to not let my ex ruin my life? Haha. When most of them are on his side helping him. I want to climb with him, but if my ex comes along idk how it'll go.

Sucks.

Climb spizza gathering

Had an awesome Monday with my cavemen buddies (Kenneth, Danial, Kah yong), rapist gwen, blur king weitheng and koucai. Met up at safra to climb and have dinner tgt. Ended up we all overnight tgt at safra and climbed.

Kenneth treated us pizza dinner cos he won some award and wanted to celebrate. Haha. Awesome job ken! It was a fun experience. We played +3 then damn epic. Got damn far moves and dynos within. Haha. Awesomeness max.

Most of them died by 3am. Gwen and me climbed till 6am tgt. Haha. He didn't even want to stay over in the first place! Then he was like damn siao on haha. Then we did like so called v1 routes haha and there were several height biased routes. Amazed he didnt tire out. Everyone else did. Haha. I was ok uh, pretty used to pulling all nighters. Haha.

Went back slept for a few hours then went for coaching. Now otw to safra to meet the gang for dinner. :-) gang= ky, Trent and valerie. Shukri has camp this whole week so will only see him during the weekend.

My thigh still hurts tho. Cant lift it up much. And putting it down hurts more than lifting it up. Haha. The side aches alot. Recover soon ok my dear leg. I love you. <3

Gravical 2014

And thus marks the end of my hellish weekend of practically zero sleep, school assignments, AVventura and Gravical 2014.

Got 6th for finals. Haha. Kinda disappointed in myself actually. Guess I felt like I lost out to myself on beta. I topped the first two routes albeit quite a few attempts. But if I had topped the last route I would have gotten 3rd haha. My brain was playing tricks on me. I couldnt think Clearly. I fell off the start like 3 tines hahaha. And I really should have smeared the wall to go for my next tile after getting the bonus. I kept trying to step the damn far foothold and couldnt jump from there. Sighhhh. Mistakes that I'll never forget. If I had topped the route I would have gotten 3rd. Sigh it all comes down to that one moment. Just one lapse.

Worse still I pulled my right thigh muscle. Felt the tightness and pull before the comp and I guess I didnt feel anything during the comp; adrenaline rush. After the comp, when I finally sat down. The pain came crashing back to me. Sharp pain, numbness then inability to use control or raise my leg.

Onsite medics sprayed salonpas spray on me then this smu lady, Janelle, helped me to massage the affected area. She was very nice to me. Appreciated her help. And alot of pple were kinda concerned about me quite touched. Haha.

Weitheng even got his friend to send me back and Trent became my walking stick. Supported me to walk around. Haha and he tried to piggyback me to the toilet. It was so epic and I felt like I nearly died. He squatted all the way down to pick me up then lost balance. I fell over him and almost uhm hit the ground, luckily carol grabbed my arm. Then when I dismounted, he did the same, lost his balance and toppled over, onto me and my injured leg. Oh God. That was so painful. I know he was trying to help la, but after he toppled over he just kept laughing.

We had dinner at ichiban sushi tgt.
Ky, trent, shukri, haziq, carol, weitheng and his friend and me ate tgr. Actually still got liling, guoan, Kenneth and another one of their friends but they went ahead to eat cos they were hungry and we were still deciding haha. Happy to know that they bothered to come down support uh haha.

On the bright side, I won their space race. Not too shabby prize although I would have rather gotten a beanbag than a fingerboard. Quite a few other vouchers, petzl backbag and a drybag. Haha.

Anyway, no time for regrets now because I have to recover, heal my injury and train hard for the India comp. Having paid $500+ for it, I wouldn't just want to give it up even tho im injured. Haha. Shall climb abit here and there to let it recover but maintain. I think I need to train more. I feel so lacking in sth. Sigh.

Feeling kinda low actually, cos I have been podiuming last year, but this first comp of the year didnt go too well. Also lack of sleep all these are but excuses. I gotta push thru and pick myself up thru these moments. :-)

To better, stronger times.

Homework

Busy day busy life. Hahaha. I just want to work and climb all day. Oh man I really hate doing assignments... Damnit. I gotta buck up.

Too many weird issues to tackle lately, not much help there. Schedule and money issues to worry about. Just tendered from safra. Starting on my climbing coaching job. Insurance matters to tackle.

Just abit burnt out. Slept 12 hours stil feel like crap. And end up never get any hw done.

Tml gonna climb then got some BBQ for climbers after 6pm. I do like having the weekends to climb and meet friends as opposed to when I was attached and had no time nor freedom.

Okok I really gotta focus on my homework. Im like ord and holiday mood. So not helping man.

Had class today. My classmates are quite ok uh. Not bad pple to hang out with.

Sleepsoon. Training tml. 2 comps in jan. 7 assignments due...

Friendship

It's hard to maintain friendship with everyone sia. One side dont like the other side etc.

Then got pple come and complain that I ignore and treat him as invisible. Wtf. So now I have to keep trying to pacify him. Aw man ure old enough to be able to not need me do this for u right. Ure being downright childish and creating more problems and anguish for me.

Sigh. Too many to handle.
Shall just take to climbing.

Went for supper with nick. Felt better altho we didn't talk about any issues. Im just happy to have him in my life as a constant friend.

Have to handle break up, ex problem friend problem school problem. Wtf la. Im so tired and sian.

I just want to climb and be happy.

Anyway, awesome climbing session with the gang and yess ksmd! My shifu. Hahaha. Havent climbed with him in awhile. He never ceases to amaze and inspire me. :-)

New year!

Ushered in the new year with shuk, Trent and ky. Started off with going udders to see shuk's udders girl but end up no hot girl. Haha. Had some dinner then wanted to go countdown. Horrible traffic at marina bay area. Eventually settled on going east coast park.

Shuk was so excited to try out prawning. We did and korkor Trent was an expert. Wiggly earthworms. Haha. Even ky got infected and had fun. We only caught 9 prawns, and some were super small but it was fun. I caught 3! Uhm and two were pregnant lol.

Bbq-ed them then ate. And had a horrible tummyache when I got back at 4am. And this morning when I woke up.

Nonetheless it was an awesome and fun experience. I love these guys to pieces. Altho we quarrelled abit about my ex becos ky said a mindless remark but that's also becos I asked him a sensitive question. We made up nonetheless but im still pissed and irritated at my ex abt how he tells everyone else abt us, accuses and insults me about everything. Really cannot tahan. He even talked to trent who he barely knows and my boss aizan wtf.

I cannot tahan such irresponsible actions and how he flames me,with his friends. Like how I purposely do things to spite which I dont and honestly? I dont give a damn. But I didnt do it.

I really just want him away and out of my life so he will stop hurting and insulting me.

I really feel damn happy and free since we broke up. I dont want to hate him and will try to be friends with him but if he keeps doing such things I'll end up avoiding and hating him.

Moodspoiler. Caged up much.