Okayy it's settled

I guess I finally know my answer.
My hurtful liberating answer.

Confused

Sigh why u make me so CONFUSED.  like when I'm like sian and wanna give up u give me new Hope by giving me some hot.  Lol.  So that I like u even more and my heart aches even more everytime I see you while not knowing the answer. Haha. I wonder if you're evil oblivious or nor sure what to do yourself. 

On a side note seeing you and chatting with u for even 10 min today was awesome. It made my day and I was really damm happy can. Then now u don't wanna reply me lol. I shan't disturb u. 

Living on a prayer

Haha why do u want to procrastinate so much? Okay maybe you're not sure of your answer? Becoz if its a no I'm not interested u would have been able to tell me right? So I'm just hoping that there is a possibility... living on a prayer and hope. If he still doesn't tell me if for chance or not by after China I'll write him a letter. To formally tell him coz now its just shuk telling him like this that I have a crush on him. 

Trent, I really like you.
Give me a reason to hold on or please let me go to ease my pain and suffering Okay.

Thank you.

Guys

Okay I know I said I wanna forget about trent.  But it's so hard and now that in not so obsessed like last time, i kinda feel that he's not a rebound but rather that I truly like him.  I think waheed was the "rebound" guy. I hung around with him abit but once I realized I liked trent I sorta stopped.  I just felt that it wasn't fair to the person I liked although we had nothing Haha. It's ironic what we can do for the sake of love Eh?

Sigh I hope Moses can get over his ex and start afresh especially when he goes to Canada in Aug . He deserves it man. It's been nice knowing him but sometimes he stalks me abit too much and care too much about what time I reach home macham my dad or older brother Haha.  I wish trent would care for me in that way lol. But he does care uh. like when we climb and if I get injured or sth he'll ask me if I'm ok etc Haha.  Aiyah he cares for me more like a normal friend than anyone special. 

I tried asking him out for dinner tonight lol.  He seemed to stall for time before telling me he couldn't make it. Not sure if he really had sth on our he just paiseh to reject me up front? He really is a man of mysteries and mixed feelings. Why can't he give me a direct answer! Just a yes I'm interested or no I don't see u that way  the nicer he treats me and the closer we get, the more I'm gonna be hurt in the end. .. trent please be more responsible and man up can? Why oh why do I have to fall for you? :(

Its awesome to have a crush because I'll secretly be happy and my heart beats like mad when I anticipate seeing him or when I actually see him haha.  He sorta gives me strength for now in climbing haha. If he rejects me I think he'll be a source of sadness but at least I can move on uh.

Trent, what are you actually thinking? It's really Okay if u have no interest in me but I wanna know so life can go on. It's so hard to be left hanging and not knowing.  And feeling like an idiot waiting for your text àhhhh. But these few days he's been pretty receptive Haha. Doesn't reply all but still will reply me somewhat.  Better than last time. So seems like we're closer, but maybe as friends? Idk uh Cos he still seems to gay with ky abit too much lol. 

like Moses wanted to go prawning sat night so iinvited him along them he asked me to ask ky to go lol. It's like they're attached to each other uh. anyway ky don't wanna go, haven't told him that lol. . if I tell him I think he don't want to go liao lor. Sad case. Of course I want him to go do I can see him la but then I also need his help In pprawning Haha. 

Noooo don't think so much. It's not healthy to fantasize so much about him lol. stupid shuk keep planting impure thoughts in my head Haha. 

sigh! Nvm Here's a picture of my first ever human flag! Shoulder hurts like crap Haha but it was fun. Hope shuk's fingers recover soon. 

Training Tml.  Must send my yellow in the left wall! :) Allez Janet! Okay impure thoughts only when I sleep ok? Hehe.  Lol I keep thinking of kissing him haha. and how I want to hold his hand when we're walking lol. I don't dare la. Too much at stake. 

I hate irresponsible guys

Omg no more please. I cannot take it anymore. No more crushing on him la please. If he has another girl, please come tell me so I'll stay away far away. Dont avoid me. I just wanna be friends. No more wallowing in self pity and pain man.

NO MORE. Seriously.

Worldcup chongqing

Omg im going worldcup!!!!!!! Mom wants to accompany me! She say since jiuzaigou is nearby we go cq tgr then go holiday. Omg awesomeness. I feel damn excited. Hmm is damn a swear word? But I only said no to vulgarities right?

Anyway Im stoked. March yangshuo trip! Then april cq trip. Excited ttm. Haha. Must train hard! Who cares bout vday and that guy?

No more okay?

Haha I feel so stupid! Rushed down to yishun after coaching at tampines to climb in the hopes of being able to see him. Guess what, he didn't come lol. Sigh and to think I asked him earlier in the week and he said yes climbing. Sighhh. I really do think he's avoiding me...

That's why ive decided to stay away from him. Give him his space. And time apart will help me get over this crush. Okay? What for let my heart bleed for him when he's clearly oblivious and don't care about me. No more. I know I can't stop thinking about him just like that, but I will get over him. I have alot more in life than just him.

Im strong, ill pull through.

痛苦的爱情

原来喜欢一个人真的很辛苦。
不懂要去还是该退后一步。
我可以把这份爱情扔走吗，好痛苦啊。为何我会爱上你呢? 我宁可不要爱上你。
老天真会耍人。

Cny day 2

Went to climb at ca in the morning with chew. Met him for breakfast at Starbucks. Had an awesome catchup session with him and climbed with him. Happy cny! Hope to see him again when he comes back.

It was an awesome night at kys place. Ky, Trent, jk and myself. We played mahjong, cards and all. Haha it was so fun! They were really patient in teaching me the games. Gambled abit but never lost so ok la. Jk took care of me haha when I lost my chips he sort of helped Me bu tie haha.

We ate yusheng at 4.30am haha. Then went to sleeep! Slept not bad. Now we're playing jenga and chinese chess. Lunch soon then we gonna go home! If only every new year is so funz uh. :-)

And I got to take a pic with him! Altho he was stoned. #mixedfeelings

Quite excited for our yangshuo trip tgr.

Clarke quay adventure

Went out with shuk yesterday evening after class to do some girl hunting haha. We went to eat ice cream at haato & co, not bad but I think I like gelare better. Next was hooters. That one the most awesome. Alot of girls in hot oranges shorts. Hahaha. Shuk kept staring at their butt and commenting. We ate some beef fondue and chicken wings. I drank hooegarden. So fun.

We chatted alot. Learnt alot about him. Hahaha. I guess everyone has a diff life from what they are now. But im happy that he's happier now I guess. It's just operation "find shuk a gf". Haha. Then we just sat at the riverside and chatted. Then we missed last train haha. I took bus back but he took a cab lol.

Went out Trent in the afternoon to buy his 5.10 shoes. He bought arrowhead in the end. Slight downturned shoes. He seemed quite happy with his new "stash" haha. Oh and he bought a rope curler to clean the rope sheath. We went to ikea to hunt for a poingpoing basket haha for the rope. Got the items. Not bad la managed to buy the stuff. He damn evil lor kept on disturbing me abt my lack of "general knowledge" lol. Then keep being sarcastic. Haha. But in his own way la. Sometimes I just want to kill him also haha. But I really like spending time with him. It's ok, im just trying to appreciate what I have. Of what time I have with him. And I told shuk! Lol.

What happens in hooters stays in hooters!

Sad didnt get to take pics with trent on our shopping adventure. I would have liked that he looked so suave in his dress shirt. Haha.

Had a presentation at school after that. We cabbed down from ikea to my school. Lucky nat came late so I could work on my stuff. Now just left with submission. 4 submissions. Confirm now no mood do la. After cny must chiong.

Today is my last day at safra. Nostalgic. But I know there's many more great things to come. Im content. Gonna pack my stuff from office and I think waheed is gonna help me drive my stuff home. Gonna head over the cat's new place to crash for the night and uhm cny countdown haha.

Feel quite satisfied I guess. Just thst I couldn't wake up today. And I woke with a dysfunctional brain. Thanks lor.

Girivihar Comp!

Okay im back from India, relatively safe and sound.
Kena food poisoning, but i guess things could have been worse so im grateful nothing else happened to anybody. Went with korkor adriel, ryan yeo, nevin, asyraf sapri and lynnette! I got first for the ladies cat and adriel won first for the second time in a row and lyn got second!

The comp was great, met many new people, made a lot of friends and got to know somewhat about indian culture, although my stomach hates the word indian food. No racism intended. The comp crowd was awesome. People cheering for you like mad even though they dont know you. hahaha. its awesome. If there's a chance i would like to come back. Overseas comps are so different.
But india time is really rubber time hahaha.

Kinda sad no medal for winning but i won 300sgd approx, plus a pair of pontas 2 climbing shoes. Not sure if i would like to use it though. Shall see how it goes. Cant cover the cost of comp, but then again its not like i can buy the experience with money. But next time, we should definitely extend our stay and try climbing in their gyms and outdoors. =)

I really do love climbing. The psyche and kick it gives me- priceless.

I've decided not to pursue certain avenues. hahaha. just to be content with where i am as friends. I think anymore and either i will go crazy or he will make me crazy or he'll just ignore me, which is worse. im just content now.

After going to india and climbing hard, i realized that altho i crave for companionship, it shd be done at the right time and with the right person. i dont want to hurt myself or him. i did miss him when i was in india, but not seeing him helps to curb my feelings. its weird. i dont really understand.
Maybe im just tired of trying to chase, please or be the nice person becos he doesnt uhm reciprocate at all. its like he doesnt even reply my messages or i shant push if thats the message he wants to send me. he's always sending me mixed messages. but its ok. i will take it as nothing.

To focus on my other stuff okay? I shd probably turn les. LOL.

Okay, time to focus on my homework! then after this hell week.
its one month of school holiday.. of cos i still gotta work, but it aint gonna be that bad.

Crushing

Sigh. I just want to be left alone. I've gotten used to my cycle of training, working, coaching etc. It makes me happy and fulfilled. I got alot more freedom and happiness.

But now he's saying he wants to come climb and uhm if I dont wanna see him, I am to quit climbing lol. Ill want to climb with my besties, but if he comes in its a diff pic. How? Dilemma 101.

I was satisfied with my life. Till he came and threatened me. Sigh I hate him so much. Cannot leave me alone ah.

I wonder how things will turn out. Sure damn awkward. And unhappy. And I know I'll purposely be more touchy. Haha. Oh wells. But with him around, there goes my chances of getting a new bf. Haha. Who wants the girl when her ex is stil hanging around?

And I really do think I like someone. It's weird liking someone again. But it's hard. Cos of my ex. Hahaha. He feels like im in a untouchable zone becos he won't take someone else's gf. But im no longer attached. Guess it doesn't matter to him cos my ex keeps on texting him. He's giving me weird mixed signals. Idk man. Havent felt this in a damn long time. But he's a very dense person. But I know how I feel haha. Why else would I dream of him. And uhm think of him when im on the train etc.

Nothing for now. Learn to live again. I know he wont accept. Time.
Anyway how to not let my ex ruin my life? Haha. When most of them are on his side helping him. I want to climb with him, but if my ex comes along idk how it'll go.

Sucks.